There is a picture somewhere of my great, great aunt. (I think that is her branch on the tree.) She is straight mouthed and wrinkled, her white hair pulled into a bun. The caption underneath reads simply, "The world was made wrong. -Mrs. Smith" (Please note: my great-grandmother from this side was nick-named HIPPY GIANT. And with good cause. Despite this they are a wonderful family. Hello Mom and Aunt Jane.)
The world was made wrong.
And that was my day yesterday. A morning MD visit, lunch with the most handsome man in the world, and then an afternoon of self-pity, procrastination, and blahs.
No particular rhyme or reason. Just fleeting thoughts that in a couple of weeks I will have no job! That I will be covered under another person's health insurance. What will I be then? Graduation in 3 weeks. Assignments due tomorrow, and the next day, and the next.
I finally told my husband I was quitting school (please refer two lines above where I say that I am graduating in 3 weeks), not cooking, and.....
"And?" he said.
The words stuck. Huge statements caught at the back of my throat. "I'm tired and overwhelmed."
There I had said it. There went my pride.
No one came and took my superwoman bangles. My mom card was intact.
And my ego was a little smaller.
Prayer (which I had failed to do all day), sandwiches from Lenny's, help with a spreadsheet, and asleep before 10 all conspired to make the day end on a brighter note.
Lessons learned from Day 1 of stress-free week: Do things early. Get up and do something, anything. And sharing the load really makes it lighter.
Here's to a cumulative effect!
Hang in there! It's such a difficult transition, internally most of all, I think. The pride issue is a battle for me, and it's hard to have been so independent and suddenly dependent. (I was single until I was 29.) And, I prided myself a LOT on being independent. Now, about seven months out of the workplace, I am loving being at home, especially the fact that I'm so much less overwhelmed and stressed. That creates more peace for my hubby and kiddos, too. It takes some time to let go and adjust (I'm still in the process.), but you're doing a great thing. Hugs!
ReplyDelete